It's my 20th birthday tomorrow.
I'd like to say I was looking forward to it, but I can't bring myself to say it. No presents, no big birthday, no being the center of everyone's attention. Secretly, those are the birthday's I enjoy.
I try to appear calm and completely unfazed but it's killing me! I spent 9 years in boarding school, celebrating birthday's only with the girls or with meager melody sweets, for lack of options.
And now when I have the chance to go all out and have the time of my life, I have absolutely no will to!
I've turned into one of those weird people who I used to speculate about on end trying to figure out why they were so lonely and sad.
I wish I had made the effort to find out then.
Because I don't know what's wrong with me.
I'd like to say I was looking forward to it, but I can't bring myself to say it. No presents, no big birthday, no being the center of everyone's attention. Secretly, those are the birthday's I enjoy.
I try to appear calm and completely unfazed but it's killing me! I spent 9 years in boarding school, celebrating birthday's only with the girls or with meager melody sweets, for lack of options.
And now when I have the chance to go all out and have the time of my life, I have absolutely no will to!
I've turned into one of those weird people who I used to speculate about on end trying to figure out why they were so lonely and sad.
I wish I had made the effort to find out then.
Because I don't know what's wrong with me.
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